How to Sleep

I read posts on Facebook from people passing the night sharing how they can’t sleep.
Left to our own schedule Maureen and I can occasionally get over six hours of REM sleep amidst a restful ten-hour night – two people in the same bed wherever that bed might be. That demonstrates the limit of my professional expertise in this area. I hope to share that here . . . and more.

Every advanced creature sleeps. Deep in your primitive brain are clocks that tell you when its time to sleep and when to wake. We ignore them at our peril. For years I used to fly half way round the world – a twelve-hour difference in time zones - work there a few days, usually two weeks sometimes a month, then fly back crossing twelve time zones in as little as twenty hours. That'll mess with your primitive brain’s clock. While there we would change cities every two or three days – new hotel, new bed, new lights, new sounds. Late dinners, too much alcohol. Emails with the office started at eight at night. Questions to ask or answer, changing plans, presentations, stress, etc.  It was very hard to sleep well.

Still, we had to sleep. We had to be patient in our meetings, we had to be very alert to details. Sometimes we had to be creative. To do those things we needed sleep. Sleeping well was important to doing the job.

Some people sleep only a few hours a night and may or may not take short naps. When I was in art school I had a full time job and freelanced, I slept two or three hours at night and took twenty minute naps during the day. It slowly made me nuts. It took a full six months after graduation for me to sleep my emotions and perceptions back into balance. Thomas Edison and Salvador Dali operated that way much of their lives. They thought it helped their creativity. PS: They are 'unique'. We don't sleep like that.

Obviously, we don’t all sleep the same. My boss would go to bed at a decent hour, nine or ten, then would wake naturally around one. He made some calls to people on the other side of the world, fielded emails, etc. then after a couple hours work went back to bed and slept well to seven or eight. He gets eight good hours, each bifurcated night. Some experts say that’s a natural way to sleep and there is evidence of many people doing that down through the centuries.

Others, like me, do better on eight or more hours a night. I can function on four a night for a week, but by the end of that week you’re not going to like me much. And, neither will I. Others need little sleep and may feel it is wasted time. For an Elon Musk, any hour asleep might mean lost opportunities, but for the rest of us, what we’re doing may not be as important to our long-term success as restful, regenerative sleep. It certainly won't be as important to your health.

What follows are simple steps to let you get the sleep you want. There are some considerations of things that might interfere with letting your body and mind fall asleep We want you to work with your body’s deep internal mechanisms. To prepare for bed some people advise an hour of yoga and meditation, others a 45-minute bath in rose pedals or oatmeal. What if you don’t have a calm meditative life? What if you don’t have 45-minutes every night to prepare for sleep? What if you don't find it restful getting forty gallons of cold oatmeal out of your tub? Are you doomed to restlessly flopping about that night? There are no complicated rituals here. Missing some of the steps any one or several nights will not doom you to sleeplessness.

Sleep is important. It allows you to look and function your best the next day. We learned some time ago that insomnia is linked to obesity. Obesity is linked to diabetes. And, very recently, we’ve learned that in deep sleep the brain washes out those awful fatty accumulations that cause dementia. We. need. to. sleep. Here’s how . . .

We're going to break this into three indistinct parts, the space, the equipment and the process. 

 1.  You need to do some things to prepare your primary sleeping room – first, remove the television. Yes, remove the damn television. Bedrooms are for two things sex and sleeping. People cannot have a bluish light flickering through their eyelids and get a good night’s sleep. Come to think of it, I don’t know that you can have good sex with the TV on. Deep in your brain are apps that were developed before we lived indoors. Blue light says, “Morning! Wake up.” If you’re in a hotel room, turn off the TV an hour or more before you want to sleep. Leave it off. If you awake in the middle of the night – please, for the love of sleep, do not turn it on.

2.   Don’t fear the dark. Embrace it. Find a way to really darken your sleeproom. Blackout drapes or blinds work well. Not just dim, not just no TV dark, but can’t-see-your-hand-before-your-face dark. In such a room you aren’t distracted from sleeping. Close the door when you go in to sleep. It’ll filter out light and noise and, if there are others in the house, it says “Do Not Disturb.” If you sleep with someone else who won’t let you darken it, or you’re in a hotel room in a bad movie with a flashing neon sign outside, buy a contoured, foam eye mask. Get the “3D” ones that bubble out over the eyes. They look like tiny bras.

3.    Cool it. The room needs to be cool enough to make you eager to burrow under the covers. Through the night your personal temperature will rise and fall. When you first go to bed it should seem too cool. Several hours later you may need to put an arm outside the covers, or both arms and maybe a leg to moderate your personal temperature. Be happy about waking up too warm. It often means you were getting that cleansing REM sleep. Then you’ll be cold again. Maureen and I tend to be cold, so although we keep a cold sleeproom we use flannel sheets.

4.       Some people like a breeze – hence a floor or ceiling fan. But, don’t make it so windy it keeps you (or your partner) awake. Slight air movement should be enough. Also, some fans make a tick-tick-tick or a low hum, that will not help you fall or stay asleep.

5.       Get naked. Sure, it’ll seem randy the first couple times, but pretty soon that will pass and you’ll find it just means you don’t wake in the middle of the night to free yourself from twisted, strangling PJs. “Oh, I couldn’t! What if I have to get up in the middle of the night!?” First, how many times do you have to get up in the middle of the night? (Other than guys to whiz.) And now, it’s dark. No one can see you! Yes, you’ll learn the way to the bathroom and back. If you have little ones keep a robe by your side of the bed. And, keep your door closed. At least, wear less. Tangling with your clothes disturbs your sleep.

6.       It hasta be comfortable. Some people like soft beds, some like hard. Personally, at home, we use a tubular water bed – it equalizes the pressures along our bodies and when one of us rolls over, it doesn’t wave-bounce the other off onto the floor. We put a Memory Foam topper on it. Not nearly as expensive as a full Memory Foam mattress and it works for us. In the RV we have whatever bed came in it, kind of firm, but we added . . . a Memory Foam topper. The soft foam layer keeps body parts that are in contact with the mattress from waking you because they’ve – gone to sleep – ironic, eh?

7.       Here’s a little fun; buy a new app – Sleep Time or an app like it. You will keep your phone in the room with you. You may need a longer charging cord.  Your phone can charge as it lays on the bed with you recording your sleep patterns.

8.       Stop by your local drugstore and buy some very good foam earplugs. Sound deadening rating of 30 or 32. We buy the purple foam ones. They’ll help a lot. We’ll tell you why and how to use them in a minute.

9.       Pillows. I go to hotels and they have a pillow menu. Really? I think that’s in line with water menus. But, I have friends who say I’m a little low-falutin’.  If your neck is sore in the morning, you might want a new pillow. Several places on line will let you try (pricey) new pillows and return them if not satisfied. Good for a try?

10.   Are you allergic to a good night’s sleep? If you wake up with your nose and head stuffy, often sneeze after rising or have a lot of sinus congestion you may be allergic to something in your bedroom. If you have had your pillow a long time it may be laden with dust mite dander and feces. (ewww) They cause an allergic reaction in maybe 20% of people. Stuffy and sneezing? Buy hypoallergenic covers for your pillows and, if you’ve had your mattress a while, your mattress. I am asthmatic, and started wheezing at night to the point it troubled my wife. We bought new pillows and wrapped them and the mattress in hypoallergenic covers. Also, carpet in a bedroom can be a haven for dust, etc. We started thoroughly cleaning the sleeping room more often and more completely. Everything combined fixed my stuffy head and labored breathing.

11.   Evening meals can really affect you. If we have pasta late at night we awaken like little furnaces sometime late in the night, throwing off covers, etc. If I drink too much alcohol, I will immediately fall into a deep sleep (where I snore, I’m told ;-) ) but awaken in three hours. Then it’s hard to get back to sleep. If we eat overly salty foods we may waken thirsty in the middle of the night. If you eat too much of anything it will be hard to stay asleep. Eat less, you won’t be starving, once you’re asleep you’ll sleep better. (I also will not get into my bias against eating a lot of meat.)

12.   Look forward to going to bed. Don’t look at it as an interruption of your endless cycle of work,  gaming and flaming people on Twitter. It is a different part of your life. It is an opportunity, a reward, a break, a respite. It rebuilds body and mind. Hey, sleep helps you avoid weight gain!!! Think of how much money, mental energy and effort you spend trying to not gain or to lose weight. You’re going to be in bed anyway, use that time to your benefit.

13.   If you don’t have a pre-bed routine – put one together, nothing extensive or obsessive, just something that tells your mind and body, we’re going to sleep now. Brushing, flossing, turning things off, hand lotion and going into the dark, cool sleeproom all separate the next few hours from the previous. Close the door on the day.

14.   Make notes as you go thru your getting-ready-for-bed routine and record whatever comes to mind that you need to do tomorrow or sometime after. Don’t write yourself a memo, just enough of a note to remind you. You don’t want to lay yourself down to sleep and then think, “Oh! I need to remember to . . . .” Trying to keep something in mind overnight is deleterious to a good night’s sleep.

15.   If you’re going to spray a little lavender scent, now is the time. Some people swear it helps relax them. Essential oils and all that.

16.   Put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb.’ Plug it in using your new longer charging cable. (7 above) You want to have the phone plugged in, charging, and in the bed with you. You do not want it buzzing or beeping every time some bit of clickbait comes in.

17.   Open your new “Sleep Time” or similar app. Set it for when you want to awake in the morning. Keep in mind, depending on how it senses you are sleeping, the app may wake you up to 20 minutes before the time you set.  Once all that is done, turn off your phone (lights off, don’t power it down) and place it face down on the mattress next to your pillow, maybe slightly under it. By using your new longer cord your phone can charge as it lays there. The Sleep Time app will record how well you slept. Notice the REM sleep you accumulated, that is the deep, cleansing, rejuvenating sleep, but all sleep is good. You may be surprised to find you slept more than you remember. That should give you more energy for the day and give you confidence you can sleep even better on future nights.

18.   Turn off all lights. Hopefully, it is so dark you cannot discern the walls beyond your bed.

19.   It would be great to turn off the electronics and lie down to read a few minutes: use a warm, yellowish light and read a NON-POLITICAL story on paper. Hopefully it’s kind of boring and you’ll start to feel sleepy. When you do, don’t fight it. Give in. Turn off the light and relax.

19.   As you lay back, consciously think, “It is now about 10:15. I’m going to wake, fully rested at seven AM.” Whatever your approximately times are, mentally set your internal clock.

20.   Now, if you have a partner in bed, tell them goodnight. Forgive any little grievances, petty squabbles, etc. Let today fall away. Tomorrow is a new day. A little kiss, I love you. Then relax.

21.   Get your ear plugs. We keep ours under our pillows during the day. Take one and roll it between the thumb and forefinger of both hands until it is much smaller diameter and maybe a little longer. Then, while it's still slender, take your left hand and pull up on the top of your right ear. Then with your right hand slide in the longer, skinnier end of the plug into your right ear. Lifting the top of the ear straightens the canal. Insert smaller end in, sliding it up and forward. Repeat on the opposite side with the opposite hands. Then let the foam plugs expand and slowly shut out most small noises. In a hotel they really help because there are new noises that disturb that deep, primitive brain. The ear plugs may tickle a little at first, or late in the night they may ache a little. If so, take them out and lay them aside or take them out, twirl them again and put them back in. Whatever works for you right at that moment.

22.    Lay back quietly and breathe deeply.  Adjust your covers. We lay on our backs, but whatever works well for you. Consciously relax your toes, ankles, calves, hips, hands, shoulders, neck, face and lips.

23.    Focus on your breath, if you feel it most in your stomach focus on that, if you feel it, cool, being drawn into your nose focus on that. Don’t try to change your breath; don’t try to slow it or time it.  Just observe it.

24.   As you lie there calming yourself, there are probably indistinct light and dark areas inside your closed eyes. Watch the darkest. Focus only on it and your breathing. If a thought comes in, go back to the dark spot and your gentle breathing. Then just focus on the dark spot. Let your breathing go. Don’t expect to fall asleep. Don’t think about falling asleep, just watch that dark spot.

25.   After a while you’ll awaken. You won’t know when you fell asleep, you just did. Train yourself to not open your eyes. It’s normal to come up from deep sleep every few hours. Do NOT look at the time. Most important do NOT look at your phone. Your phone will wake you when it’s time to rise. If you look at the clock your mind will start calculating how much longer it has to sleep. That alone can keep you awake. If you have to go to the bathroom, try to do it without a light. Do not take your phone with you. This is just a momentary interlude in a good night’s sleep. Whether you rise or not, focus on the dark spot, or your breathing. Soon you’ll waken again - which is proof you've fallen asleep.

26.   With practice you will develop a simple routine that readies you for bed wherever you are. The earplugs will block out random noises. The phone will monitor your sleep and wake you in the morning. All you have to do is relax and drift into sleep - several times a night.

27.   Good night. Sleep well.